World's best and funniest passenger complaint letter

Travelling is really fun! It’s edifying to see new places, meet new friends and experience new culture... a different feeling of life...

Although it’s not really that 100% fun, mishaps could happen anytime... like the last time I went back to the Philippines. There was a bubble gum on my seat! A bubble gum? On a seat of an international plane? Please!!! But yeah, it ruined my favourite cargo pants.

What I have just read few minutes ago at Telegraph.co.uk reminded me of some misfortunes I have also experienced related to food served during flights.

Please check it out, it’s really a fun read. It is Telegraph’s reproduction of the world's best passenger complaint letter sent to Sir Richard Branson (the owner of Virgin Atlantic Airways). This letter complaint is currently being emailed globally and is considered by many to be the world's funniest passenger complaint letter.

CLICK HERE to follow the letter

The Push

I really think I am lazy.

Sometimes, I think the reason why I’m stuck here, not done with my MPhil upgrade yet because I’m lazy. Although my counsellor said that the pain I have experienced after the deaths in the family before coming here in UK caused the mental block and loss of motivation, but no, I can’t make those as excuses why I’m stuck here. It’s just my laziness.

Hmmm, actually, I just need a push!

Honestly, it took me awhile to realize that instead of being blocked by the grief over her lose; I made my Mama my “Push” to keep on going. For the past two weeks, I have not been very productive in my school work. And last night, my “Push” appeared in my dream. Amidst a very busy train station, I saw her...her figure was so vivid...just like in the movies, her face was focused with a circling shot in slow motion, even the pink mole at the tip of her nose, I saw everything clearly... I even smelled her scent.

When I was about to get near her, everything froze then I woke up. Although a little disappointed that I was pulled back to reality, but I was and am very happy I have seen her again... she’s still very much alive in my heart.

And I got her message...

So now my fingers are flying over the keyboards of my laptop... I need to keep going...

...and...

I wish to thank Nox Joel too... if not of his “push” to start blogging, I might not really take this seriously. Nox, salamat sa duot, hahaha! Pang therapy hihihi. Aside sa kape!

Fun at Kebabs Express

Last night, I craved for Kebabs, so I told my French housemate Elodie that I would buy her dinner at Kebabs Express, just near the main gate of the university.

There, we met my friend Leon, a very nice, gentle-speaking guy from Hongkong.

While I babbled to Elodie how I and Leon met, he suddenly asked, “Do you like a young girl?”

A little bit shocked at what he might be implying with that question, I managed to ask him back, “What do you mean?”

Confused with my confusion, he replied, “Because you are always smiling and laughing, you are funny!”

Still shocked of the first question, I repeated my previous line, “What do you mean?”

So Elodie came to the rescue, “I think what he meant is that you look like a young girl because you are a lively person, always laughing and funny.”

Whew!

So I thanked Leon for his flattering remark, I could hear my lungs clapping and my liver forming into a smiley face. Not bad for a 32 year-old to be mistaken as in her mid-20’s. Bwahahaha!

Yeah, I still believe the best attire is smile...

For the potentially pretentious

There was this guy I kind of like during college days. He's a complete package of a man, except for one annoying thing (at least to me) --- he thought he's the deepest person in the world. Haha!

So this poem "I'm so deep" reminds me of that man. The poet is Beau Sia. I like his "sarcasm" in this poem to pretentious people.

Check this out!



(credits to knownots@youtube for the video)


(Transcription of the poem)


I’m So Deep


I'm so deep
my anus leaks the words of the prophet
in a form of a fart

I'm so deep
the public swimming pool of my thoughts
is all deep end

I'm so deep
pointing to my brain magnifies
the value of what I say 327 fold

I'm so deep
Every word I speak is a metaphor
including "is","are",and "every"

I'm so deep
the words "I'm so deep" aren't the hook
they're mantra

I'm so deep
I'm the iceberg
that let another iceberg
sink the titanic

Question: what does that last metaphor mean?
Answer: I'm too deep to give you the clues.

When I say I'm deep like
a pre-war communist,

I’m deep like an exotic cheese spoken of loudly,
or I’m deep like the sound of one but cheek laughing,
you just have to shut-up and know what I’m talking about
Or remember the mantra words and whisper
"Yo, that motherfucker’s hella deep yawl!"

Because I am deeper than sense.
My silence is deep
I have deep underwear
and my balls get confused in them

I’m so deep
I transcend the word transcend

I’m so deep
I made knowing none of the answers
always the answer.

I'm sooo deep
I can find the corndog
in the platinum wrap(ped) single
of your mind

Damn, that’s deep
Shit!

I’m like the deepest…
I’m like the 'Serpentaur' (carpenter) of deep
I embody the combined DNA of all the great "deeps" before me
I'm so deep my cock is shaped like Merlin
I'm so deep "3" is "4"

I'm so deep, the wind..............
I'm
so
deep
the end of the poem is really
the beginning

Not “Only in the Philippines”

A friend emailed some facts that happen ‘kuno’ only in the Philippines...

Now, really… I’m fed up with this “Only in the Philippines” rubbish…

I’m fed up with stuff like “where else do you find people selling quail's eggs, hardboiled eggs, balut, chicharon, green mango with bagoong, salted peanuts and cigarettes and roses...people haggling and selling these on the street... people actually trying to clean your car, people selling cigarettes by the stick, and they even light it for you. Only in the Philippines!”... WHAT??? I don’t have to cite examples but I’m sure it’s not only in the Philippines. And for one, this balut is not only in the Philippines. Making it is not even native to Pinas.

Just like what happened in that 999 incident (in “Sir, are you okay?” blog), it’s also like in the Philippines, people gather around the scene, others are sympathetic; others are just plain curious. So that TV show showing this trait of Pinoys as “Only in the Philippines” is a cant haha!

An Indian housemate showed me a video of the traffic in India which she said as ‘Only in India’, which reminded me of my Mexican friend describing the traffic in Mexico City as ‘Only in Mexico’ --- the same as what we label as ‘Only in the Philippines’ --- the same stint of road fury, impoliteness, disorder and very very very long commutes in the busiest streets in our country.

There also another email with ‘Only in the Philippines’ theme --- ‘What’s in a name?’ written kuno by a certain journalist from UK, describing how Pinoys are very creative about names like Jhunjhun, Ling-ling, Thata, Langgah and with imaginative parents naming their children with rhyme, as in Biboy, Boboy, Buboy, Baboy...

Now, here’s something ridiculous here in UK... In the BBC news the other day, “a travel company in UK is refusing to take bookings from people with names like Britney, Kylie and Dwayne” (because likely, persons with these names are “chavs”)...Huh??? Is there something like this in the Philippines? Hmmm. Lemme think… Aha! I remembered that story my mother told me about her friend’s friend’s friend’s mother who advised her daughter’s friend to break up with her boyfriend because his name is Damian and that the it means “demon”! Whhh? My grandfather’s name is Damian and he’s one of the coolest guys I have ever known. And please, this very type of gossiping, meddling with other people’s business and overgeneralization, it’s not ‘Only in the Philippines’. Now, what’s in a name? Ehehe, hang on, I think I'm drifting now…(“,) Enough of this Only in…

Ooops, wait, also in the BBC news the other day, a 70 year woman was denied of buying a bottle of wine because she failed to give an ID. The store spokesperson said: "We take the sale of alcohol to underage people extremely seriously”. Only in UK? Of course not. This lack of common sense, many Pinoys are plagued with this malady too. But for sure, this happens not only in UK nor “Only in the Philippines”…

(“,) (“,) (“,)

“Sir? Are you okay?”

Last Wednesday evening was the second “weekly movie night” that I and my French housemate started doing the other week so we can have a break from our school work.

While walking to the town centre, I noticed an old man, about five meters away from us, wobbling. When he passed us by, I heard him groaning. Although we continued walking, I was looking at him to check, actually curious if he’s normal or not, then he fell down. So we ran back and asked him a very stupid question, “Sir? Sir, are you okay?”... (Are we nuts? Of course, he isn’t!)

I think I panicked because it didn’t really occur to me that I should call 999, waaaaaaah! Having grown and lived in a coconut farm in a remote Philippine village, my mind was not trained to call emergency lines but instead shout at the top of my lungs “Taaaaaabbbbbbaaaaang!” (Help!), hoping that neighbours who live hundreds of meters away would hear. Ahaha!

When I picked his bags of groceries scattered on the path and before I could cry “Help!”, I heard a man shouting from the other side of the road “Call 999”... At first, what registered in my mind was that he was telling us to get away from the old man...so I and my French housemate backed off, then he shouted again, “Call 999”... that’s the time I remembered what I’m supposed to do. I totally forgot the Safety and Emergency Awareness series of the University. Ouch! Pastilan! (Darn!)

So I called 999 while my housemate checked on the man. He was bleeding profusely, from a cut on the left brow! While waiting for the ambulance, we learned that the man is 75 years old...and he kept murmuring 147 street something...I think it took 15 minutes for the ambulance to get to the site. Then a woman passed by and recognized the old man, and that’s the time that I realized what 147 meant. It’s the number of his house on that street. He’s just four houses away from where he collapsed. I think he really tried to make it to his house.

So the ambulance arrived, the police arrived and also the old man’s wife. After telling the wife that he’s carrying some groceries, we left the scene, and headed to the cinema. We arrived on time, watched Seven Pounds, while I smelled vinegar! Hahaha. The bags of groceries, there was a bottle of vinegar...

Ah that movie, the tear jerker Seven Pounds has some scenes reminding us of the incident… the movie started with Will Smith calling 911 and there was a scene when Rosario Dawson fell like the old man. I have a feeling this whole thing is preparing me for something more panicking...Ehehe! But I hope with this experience, my reticular activating system will store this as relevant information, that is, not to panic and to call 999 or 991 right away...

Now, this makes me think that I should tell the Barangay Captain (village head) of my beloved Barangay Cadunan to have an emergency number (or maybe, we have it already, I just do not know). Even in Tagum City (where I work), I don’t know the emergency lines... (Naa ba? Naa na yata). What I know is that in Compostela Valley Province and Davao del Norte, there are stickers posted in tricycles and jeepneys advertising to people to call certain numbers to report ‘Colurum Vans’.

After the movie, my housemate and I just talked about the bloody incidents that happened to us...while eating fries. Yum! Hmmm, that made me recall that I had been to accidents quite a lot already in my entire life…tsk tsk.

For the rest of the night, my housemate was a bit traumatized; she said she could still smell the blood. Not me! Thanks to the vinegar!