The Push

I really think I am lazy.

Sometimes, I think the reason why I’m stuck here, not done with my MPhil upgrade yet because I’m lazy. Although my counsellor said that the pain I have experienced after the deaths in the family before coming here in UK caused the mental block and loss of motivation, but no, I can’t make those as excuses why I’m stuck here. It’s just my laziness.

Hmmm, actually, I just need a push!

Honestly, it took me awhile to realize that instead of being blocked by the grief over her lose; I made my Mama my “Push” to keep on going. For the past two weeks, I have not been very productive in my school work. And last night, my “Push” appeared in my dream. Amidst a very busy train station, I saw her...her figure was so vivid...just like in the movies, her face was focused with a circling shot in slow motion, even the pink mole at the tip of her nose, I saw everything clearly... I even smelled her scent.

When I was about to get near her, everything froze then I woke up. Although a little disappointed that I was pulled back to reality, but I was and am very happy I have seen her again... she’s still very much alive in my heart.

And I got her message...

So now my fingers are flying over the keyboards of my laptop... I need to keep going...

...and...

I wish to thank Nox Joel too... if not of his “push” to start blogging, I might not really take this seriously. Nox, salamat sa duot, hahaha! Pang therapy hihihi. Aside sa kape!